Curiosity Killed the Cook
by hellointernet
Summary: Because in the Strawhat's ship, everything had to be done in a roundabout way. In which Sanji's curiosity overwhelms him, over-thinking is hazardous to one's health and Zoro is an overly-simplistic, oblivious oaf. ZoSan/nakamaship.
1. The Hairy Investigation

_Disclaimer._

* * *

It was on days like this that Sanji cursed his brain's over-activeness. The shitty geezer always said not to space out when cooking but he can't help it! The turkey still had a few more minutes before it was done and he'd already prepared everything else.

There really was nothing to do other than smoke a cigarette and think.

And of course, out of all the thoughts of Nami-swan's beauty and Robin-chan's allure, _it_ just had to climb it ways to the top and stay there.

Sanji couldn't just avoid thinking about _it_. There were too many things that remind him of _it; it _being the question of whether or not Zoro's unnatural hair color was natural.

The question formulated when the blond, Brook and Franky had been talking about hair products (don't ask how they got to the topic).

It wasn't a secret that all of the three took great care of their hair. Sanji made sure that his was smooth and silky. Franky made sure that it was SUPER and that he put in enough gel and cola for it to stick up. Brook made sure he didn't rip out his hair when washing it (pretty much the only thing that he _can_ wash) or cut it up when fighting.

So yes. They took great care of their hair.

Then they got on the topic about odd hair colors. Sanji was a natural blonde (obviously. He wouldn't risk putting such dangerous chemicals in his hair.). Franky's was another story.

_"Eh? Nah. It used to be… brown, I think. I permanently dyed it after a argument with Iceburg. Never regretted that decision," Franky chuckled. _

They then went on discussing the hair colors of the rest of crew. Those were easy.

Luffy, Usopp and Chopper didn't even need discussion. Nami was an original redhead. The only other person that needed a bit discussion was Robin, but it was quite obvious that she highlighted her hair with blue. That or it was just really, really shiny.

That left the marimo.

_"No way. I think he dyed it," Franky insisted. _

_"I don't quite think so, Franky-san. Zoro-san doesn't seem like the type to care much about appearances," Brook countered in a much more gentle tone. _

_"No way. I think he dyed his hair green. It can't be natural. It's just SUPER that way," Franky struck a pose, almost crashing his giant hands into the cramped hallway where they were talking. _

_"No, no. Zoro-san wouldn't waste money on something like that. I think he'd rather use it on booze or steel polish."_

_"No way. Even Zoro-bro knows that SUPER hair is important! Right Sanji-bro?" _

Franky just _had_ to drag him into it.

Sanji had paused at the question. On one hand, there really was no way the marimo would dye his hair just for appearances. But on the other, who had green hair?

And thus, a troubling thought was planted into his head. Sanji never hated Franky so much until now (well, now and the time when he beat up Usopp).

Presently, the cook stared blankly at the timer while thinking about the question.

Did the idiot marimo's hair _look_ dyed?

Well, it was a lush green. A color that one would expect on a well trimmed lawn.

There was no way that the swordsman's man could have the color well managed lawn on his head when even the Thousand Sunny's lawn was dried up in some areas while the others were practically a lake (they should've never put Luffy on lawn duty). The man barely washed a week!

Sanji vehemently wished that the brute's hair would change to the color of dried grass. That would make the world fair. _He_ had to wash his hair every other day so that it was a luxurious blond.

Back to the question.

While there was no way anyone could have the color of a perfectly managed lawn on their head without dying it, there was also no way _Zoro_ would take the trouble to dye his hair. He would've left it black or whatever color the moss on his head decided to take.

Sanji shuddered at the thought Zoro with black hair. That was just unnatural. That was just going against the laws of nature. That was like Luffy announcing that he decided to go vegan. Just… no.

When the oven dinged, Sanji put on his fuchsia oven mitts and decided that he _needed_ to make a plan to find out about the mystery.

* * *

His first idea was to check if the any of the crew knew if Zoro dyed his hair. And to check if the man had any hair products hidden, but that was for later. Sanji didn't really like going through other's things without permission.

His first target was Luffy. While the cook doubted (and he doubted _a lot_) if Luffy knew anything about the swordsman before inviting him to the crew (probably, no, definitely not going by the pattern of Luffy's invitations), there was a really, _really_ slim chance that Luffy might know something. After all, he known Zoro the longest and he was the type to ask ridiculous questions like this (Sanji refuse to acknowledge that wanting to know about Zoro's hair put him in the same category as Luffy).

Sanji cornered Luffy after lunch.

"Oi, Luffy! Come here for a second," he called out to the captain.

"Sanji! Do you have more meat?" Luffy asked, ignoring the fact that his stomach was already stretched to the limit (but was rapidly slimming down. What kind of metabolism does this guy have?!).

The question earned the boy a kick to his head.

"You just had lunch, shitty captain!"

"So?" Luffy cocked his head to the side.

Sanji took a deep drag of his cigarette in an effort to calm down.

"I have a question for you. You've known the marimo for how long?"

"Um… since he joined the crew?" Luffy scratched his head.

"Did he always have his hair?" Sanji watched the other's reaction carefully.

"Na, what are you talking about, Sanji? Zoro always had hair. He wasn't bald," the straw hat boy looked at the cook in something akin to pity. The blond wanted to kick his head in.

"Yeah, but did he always have green hair? Did… did he ever tell you that he dyed it?" Sanji blurted.

"Huh?" Luffy was definitely looking confused now. "Sanji, Zoro has green hair."

'That's the problem!' Sanji wanted to scream at boy.

"Exactly. Did he ever tell you that he dyed it… or buy hair dye?" Sanji asked, already giving up on the captain. He was already thinking of who to ask next.

"Zoro has green hair," Luffy repeated with wide brown eyes, like it explained everything.

Sanji fumed and stormed off. Stupid idiotic captain.

* * *

The next was Nami-swan. Surely she must know in all of her glorious beauty! And also because she's known Zoro for the second longest.

He found time to ask her as he was delivering snacks.

"Nami-swan, as much as I hate to disturb your snack time with this, would you perhaps know if the idiot marimo's hair is natural or not?" Sanji tried not to look at Nami's revealing cleavage. He really did.

He failed.

Nami didn't seem to mind. However, she frowned at the odd question.

"Eh, what's with that question?"

Sanji went red. "Sorry, Nami-swan. Just… mere curiosity. Ah, just pretend that I didn't say anything." He waved his hand in the air like it was going to erase the red-head's memories.

"So, cook-san wants to know about swordsman-san's hair, ne?" Robin asked, peering over her book.

Sanji went even redder, if that was possible.

"No, no. Just… nothing."

"I could tell you but it'll cost you," Nami winked her beli-turned eyes.

"Nami-swan's so cool!" Sanji yelled while noodle dancing around the ladies.

"What navigator-san means is that, we both don't know if it's natural," Robin smiled.

"Robin! Why did you tell him?!" Nami turned to yell at her friend.

Robin blinked. "He asked."

"You could've at least let me have my fun! I could've gotten a few beris!"

Sanji melted into a pile of goo at the sight of his two lovely ladies arguing.

Three down, 4 more to go.

* * *

Next was Usopp. Sanji knew it was going to take a while for the sharpshooter to get to the point but… well, let's just say he'd let his leg do the talking if the tale gets too long.

"Oi, long nose!"

"Eep! Sanji!" Usopp turned around in the kitchen like he was doing something he wasn't supposed to.

"…what are you doing?" the cook eyed the other suspiciously, checking that his kitchen was the same as usual and didn't have poisonous gunk lying around.

"Nothing, nothing!" the bushy haired man hurriedly replied, sweating way too much for Sanji's liking.

"Hmph. Make sure that you get out of my kitchen to do experiments," the cook warned him.

"But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Eh? You… wanted to ask me something? _Me?_" Usopp cried out in surprise. "Of course! Usopp-sama is the best, you know! I can answer any question that-"

"Does the marimo dye his hair?" the blond interrupted.

"Eh? What?"

"Does the marimo dye his hair?" Sanji repeated slower.

"Um… I don't know? I mean, of course I know! It was when I met him, a long long time ago. I saw that he was scary – I mean lonely and didn't have fans like me, Usopp-sama, the popular! Of course, he came to ask me for help so that he stood out more. And I, Usopp-sama, the kind, decided that –" Usopp rambled on with exaggerated hand gestures.

Sanji left the room, leaving the other to talk to himself and his invisible audience.

* * *

Chopper was next. He didn't know if Chopper even talked about hair with Zoro. But if he did, Sanji was sure that the little reindeer would know. Any fool could see the way Zoro treated Chopper and realize that if the little guy asked for anything, the older would do it.

The cook just had to pray that Chopper was curious enough to ask about trifle things like Zoro's hair.

"Chopper."

"Eeek! Sanji!" Chopper came out of his hiding spot from under the table.

"You okay?" Sanji frowned. Diving under the table in a matter of seconds… that had to hurt the little guy somewhere.

"You worrying about me don't make me happy, asshole!" Chopper wriggled around in obvious delight.

"Yeah." Sanji took a seat on the floor.

"Say, Chopper. Is it possible for idiot marimos to have natural green hair?"

"Marimos? Aren't they already green?" The little doctor's eyes bugged out at the thought of different colored moss-balls.

"No, no. I meant our idiot swordsman who gets lost all the time. Our resident marimo."

"Eh? Zoro? …why the sudden question?"

"Dunno. Curious." Sanji leaned against the door. "Well? Can they? You're the doctor, after all."

"Idiot! Calling me a doctor doesn't make me happy at all!" Chopper eyes shone with happiness before he calmed down.

"I um… I don't actually know. I think so, if Zoro had the genes. I've never really heard of genes for green hair… but if there was, it would be quite rare and I think recessive. I could look it up later, if you want," Chopper offered.

It was clear that he would look it up anyway, due to his medically inquisitive brain.

"No, thanks. You can go on with making your Rumble Balls. I gotta prepare snacks." Sanji stood up and turned to go.

"Actually, Chopper. What do you want for today's snacks? You can pick," he offered with a smile.

"Asking me that doesn't make me happy, you asshole!" Chopper yelled, pulling down his hat to hide his blush. He shyly peeked out from below it. "Gingerbread cookies? With frosting?"

"Sure. They'll be ready in a while," the cook patted the pink hat before leaving to make the cookies.

He could hear the yell of "That doesn't make me happy, you bastard!" through the wood door.

* * *

Sanji decided to not bother asking Franky and Brook. It was obvious that they don't know after that conversation.

Even though he didn't go looking for them, they came looking for _him_.

"Sanji-bro! I heard you've been asking around about Zoro-bro's mystery hair?" Franky came in as the cook was preparing the ingredients with a loud bang.

"Yes, yes. I heard the same," Brook stooped to step into the room.

"Ah, yeah. Don't tell him," Sanji looked up from the bowl.

"That's SUPER!" Franky yelled. The cook was sure that the whole crew heard that.

"Sanji-san, why are you asking around? Why don't you just ask Zoro-san himself?" Brook was quite confused.

Sanji gently stopped stirring before slamming his hands on the counter.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS? I can't just go asking around asking that marimo about his hair! He's a marimo! MA-RI-MO!" Sanji screamed into Brook's face (except he doesn't have a face! Skull-joke! Yo-ho-ho-ho!)

"Ah, I'm afraid I don't understand," Brook stepped back a little from the enraged cook in a pink apron.

"Brook-bro! Not SUPER at all! Let the man have his romance!"

"Romance?" Sanji drew back, confused.

"Yeah! The mystery of Zoro-bro's hair!"

"Oh, yes. I forgot all about it! I am so sorry about even suggesting such an absurd idea. A man must have his romance!" Brook inexplicably cried tears out of his sockets.

Franky followed the example and bawled. Needless to say, they were both kicked out of the kitchen by the enraged cook.

* * *

It was time for Plan B. Going through Zoro's things. But first, he'd need the perfect time and excuse.

Sanji knew just how to get it. Or at least have a desperate idea that just might work.

"Oi, marimo," he said, kicking the green-haired in the shin. The other cursed and glared.

"When are you going to return my sharpening stone?"

Zoro didn't actually borrow his stone. He just hoped that the other went with it and got confused enough to let the cook rummage through his things.

"The fuck you talking about?" Zoro sprayed rice all over the table, at the same time knocking away Luffy's stretching hand reflexively.

"You borrowed it a long time ago! I need it. The cleaver's been a bit dull lately," Sanji kicked Luffy's other hand away from the ladies' plates.

"I didn't! You sure it's not Usopp or Franky?" the swordsman resumed stuffing his mouth. Disgusting.

"Yeah. Like I'd let them borrow it. Who knows what they'll get on it. At least with you and your Neanderthal brain, it's only swords."

"I never borrowed your fucking stone. I have my own stone!"

Shit. Sanji made up a lie on the spot.

"Idiot! You forgot that Luffy sent it flying overboard, didn't you?"

"LUFFY!"

"Eh? Zoro? Meat!" Luffy grabbed Zoro's almost empty plate.

"It's probably just mixed in with your things."

"Yeah, yeah. Just go find it, later. Make sure you don't spill the polish," Zoro waved his free hand dismissively, the other pulling at a piece of meat away from Luffy. A futile effort really.

Another time, Sanji would've screamed at Zoro for making him search for it himself, but now, Sanji had the perfect excuse. He had to fight back the grin that almost made its way to his face.

Much later, after dinner and the dishes had been cleared up, Sanji made his way into the silent men's quarters. He pawed through Zoro's belongings, ignoring the numerous bottles of polish for the other's swords, dark pants and extra pair of boots. Much to the blond's disappointment, there was no bottle of hair dye.

* * *

Sanji was not giving up. After all, he was a Strawhat and they weren't known for giving up easily.

Lying awake in the middle of the night (Goddammit! The damn marimo was making him lose his beauty sleep.), the cook created another plan.

He just needed to check the idiot's hair. Well, the other hair on other parts of his body, like on the arms or legs.

Surely the man had some and was not hairless like Luffy and Usopp (the wimps). The hairs on Franky's huge arms were still dark colored, instead of bright blue.

The man was nineteen. He should at least have some hair _somewhere_, other than the lawn that he called his head.

Yes. All Sanji had to do was check the hair on Zoro's arm. That would be easy. After all, they were in close contact most of the times (fighting), right?

In his dreams, he was being chased by giant strands of green hair while Zoro laughed on his throne of moss and commanded them to chase him faster in the background.

* * *

Sanji is entirely surprised when he found out that Zoro did not, in fact, have hair on his arm.

"Why do you not have hair on your arms?" Sanji cried, falling to his knees and clutched his head in mental agony.

"The fuck?" Zoro eyed him oddly. Was the cook _jealous_ about not having hair? He was already girly enough. Did he _want_ to be more girly and not have hair (girls were crazy about waxing)?

"WHY?!" Sanji yelled in his face.

Luffy laughed somewhere behind him, the asshat.

The swordsman quirked an eyebrow, glancing down at his smooth hairless arms and frowned.

"Close run in with fire, I think. Permanently burned them off."

"With what? A dragon?" Sanji ran around in a circle in one spot. Did the cook finally snap?

Somewhere to their right, Brook and Franky smiled knowingly.

Better just entertain this… whatever this was, Zoro thought, staring at the blond.

"Hey, you never know. It's the Grand Line, after all," Zoro defended. He tried to think back. When did he burn them off? It was so long ago. "I think it was a flamethrower. Probably a run in with a pirate before I met Luffy. Or another bounty hunter…"

Sanji screamed a wordless scream, hitting the deck like it offended a lady. Zoro honestly didn't know what to do.

He hesitantly nudged the cook with his boot.

"Oi, cook. You okay?"

Sanji stopped in his… whatever he was doing. When he looked up, his face lit up like when he found out mermaids exist (well, before he found out _Kokoro_ was a mermaid).

This was it! _Leg _hair. Hopefully that idiotic green pants was fireproof or something.

"Oi, marimo. Take off your pants."

Everyone stopped. Zoro stared at the suited figure with his jaw hanging. Chopper and Usopp stopped from their game of tag with Luffy, staring across the deck with wide eyes.

Robin looked up from her book and smiled, while Nami frowned across the deck. What was Sanji-kun up to again? Another fight? Brook and Franky jaws dropped (Brook's literally did) before they burst out into laughter after they realized what the blond was going to do.

Only Luffy kept running unfazed, looking back and crying "Chopper! Usopp's it! Run!"

He toppled over the railing, falling into the vast blue. He didn't even realize he fell until he hit the water.

Zoro took the chance to escape the troubling command, opting to hurriedly remove his swords and boots and diving after his captain.

Sanji went bright red when he realized what he said.

"Oi, oi. Shitty marimo! Come back here! I didn't mean it like that! I meant roll up your pants!"

The catcall "Sanji-bro! Didn't know you swing that way!" from Franky (even though he knew what Sanji meant, that mechanical bastard) really didn't help his situation.

Zoro blatantly avoided blond for the next few days.

* * *

Sanji had decided.

If the stupid marimo wouldn't comply with a simple request, then he'll just have to use force. The problem was: what kind of force?

It's not like he could just dive down and pull the idiot's pants down. That'll just make him look like a pervert; a pervert who plays on both sides. Not to mention what the ladies will think.

And of course, if you were thinking in tactical terms, the Neanderthal could just kick him away before he could have a look at the fine hair (if he had it and didn't burn it off in say, by setting himself on fire) and notice the color.

Sanji _could_ cut up the pants (the brute was going to have them cut up sooner or later, anyway. The blond wondered how many times the pair of trousers had been ripped and repaired.), but there was no way he'd use his precious kitchen knives for something like _this_.

Hmmm…

That's it!

Sanji just had to wait until the idiot swordsman dived down to rescue Luffy. He usually took off his boots and shirt, right? And he had to dry his pants _somehow_.

Of course, that being said, the cook also had to make sure that Zoro didn't have any extra pairs of pants to wear. And somehow get him to roll his pants up.

First things first, Sanji thought as he called the crew for dinner. He'd need to steal the remaining pair of pants from Zoro's drawers.

* * *

"Goddammit. Which one is his?" Sanji hissed through his teeth, opening and closing random drawers.

He better make this fast. The ladies would be waiting for their hot cocoa. And uh… the rest of the crew, too.

Which one was the green-haired idiot's drawer? Why was it so hard to find it?

Sanji snorted. He probably got all of his clothes mixed up with someone else's, seeing as he can't even navigates his own ship. Who's to say that he can find his own drawer?

"Aha! Found them," Sanji muttered victoriously, grabbing the stack of black-green trousers.

"Eeep! Uh… Sanji?"

Sanji turned towards the entry of the men's quarters, staring wide-eyed at the long-nosed sniper who was in turn staring back at him.

"Usopp!"

"Uh… what are you doing?" the sniper asked in a high pitched voice. Much higher than his normal voice.

The blond cook looked down at where he was clutching Zoro's pants… really, _really_ close to his face… like he was sniffing them…

"It's not what you think!" he replied too quickly, much too quickly for another to think he was innocent.

"Um… okay? I'm not judging!" the other hurriedly said, already backing out of the room with wide eyes.

"You can do whatever you like with… Zoro's pants… like sniffing them… or like anyone… even guys… I don't' judge! Just… just don't get caught sniffing his pants by him? Pleasedon'tkillme, Iwon'ttellanyone!" Usopp squeaked.

"I'm not sniffing them!" Sanji hissed through gritted teeth, fisting his hands in the pants. He quickly dropped them when he realized that it made him look like he was clutching them closer.

"It's just… it's complicated okay? I don't…"

"Yeah… I was just here to tell you that everyone's waiting for the hot chocolate! Especially Luffy."

Sanji opened his mouth to reply. Too late.

Usopp was already running around the corner towards the deck.

* * *

The next part of the plan was to kick Luffy off the ship so that the source of all this (stupid Zoro and his green hair) will have to jump down and save the rubber boy and effectively get wet. His _clothe_s wet.

Of course, then there was the part of how to make Zoro roll up his pants so that the cook can see the hair (that is hopefully there) and determine if it was dyed or not.

Sanji was pretty sure no one would rub hair dye onto their legs so that they can have green hair.

No, that would just be stupid.

Sanji kicked the galley's door open, calling out, "Oi, bastards! Your snacks are ready!"

The crew gathered at the deck, waiting for the cookies he just baked. Sanji made sure to serve the ladies first, attending to their needs.

Luffy shoved 4 cookies into his mouth simultaneously.

Sanji decided that was enough of an excuse to kick him. On other days, that might've gotten the straw hat captain a brief scolding and a kick to the head.

"Hey, don't take up all the cookies, idiot. Leave some for the others!"

Today, Luffy was kicked overboard, barely swallowing the cookie-mush in his mouth before he hit the water and was immobile.

"Damn it, cook!"

Zoro was already taking off his boots and swords, diving overboard towards the sport Luffy sank.

They came up, the swordsman swimming with one hand back towards the ship.

"Shishishishi, I liked the cookies, Sanji," Luffy laughed, already rocketing back towards the cookies.

Zoro sighed and gruffly said, "Idiot."

He turned towards the cook.

"Oi, cook! Stop kicking Luffy off the ship all the time. It's bothersome to keep going after him all the time," the swordsman shouted over the riot over the cookies.

Sanji took a deep breath of his lit cigarette.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Damn it, now my clothes are all wet. Stupid ero-cook," Zoro continued to grumble obscenities towards the blond.

"Then go change your clothes!" Sanji snapped.

Now this was the stage where the marimo went down to change clothes. Well, his pants because everyone knows that the idiot would just take off his shirt and walk around half naked like he usually did.

3, 2, 1…

"Fuck. Where the fuck did all my pants go?" Zoro came out of the men's quarters, stomping grouchingly onto the deck.

Usopp glanced nervously towards Sanji, cookies crumbs littering around his mouth.

"Oi, marimo. Stop blaming everyone else. They're all probably in the laundry basket. You barely wash anyway," Sanji pointed out, glaring at Usopp to keep his mouth shut.

"Shut up, love cook!" Zoro predictably started taking off his white shirt. "Damn it. I hate wet clothes. Hard to train with them."

Sanji frowned towards the empty plate as all the other idiots ran back to what they were doing. Except for Luffy. He was trying to lick off crumbs off the plate.

"Oi, marimo. Did you get a cookie?"

Zoro glanced over to the cook, already going heading towards the rigging that lead up to the crow's nest.

"I got a few, cook," he assured the other. "Damn wet clothes."

"If they're bothering you so much, just roll up your pants or something," Sanji tried to hide the excitement in his voice. He had to sound like he pitied him.

"Huh? Ah, good idea, cook. Surprising, coming from someone idiotic as you," the swordsman grinned.

"Ehh? Zoro! You can't do that!" Chopper yelled, overhearing their conversation and running over to them.

"If you roll them up, it'll be harder for them to get dry. Then the wet clothes will be in contact with your skin longer! You'll get sick this way!" Chopper ran around Zoro panicking.

"It's bad enough that you run around half naked almost every day but you can't stay out here wet like this! It's cold, you know! And Nami says that we might be approaching a winter island, soon."

The little reindeer continued to nag the taller and Sanji would be lying if he said he wasn't a little mad at the doctor for intervening with his plans.

The cute sight of Chopper biting Zoro's head (and it really looked like a reindeer trying to eat grass) placated some of his anger, though.

* * *

If the stupid marimo wouldn't show his legs willingly, Sanji will just have force him to. While his knives were more than precious, his lighter was another story.

He would feel slightly guilty that he was using it for matters such as this but it wasn't so that he _can't_ do it.

Sanji will just have to burn the pants off and he knew exactly how to do it. Fabric easily catches on fire, right? All he had to do was pretend to trip near the swordsman's pants with the lighter open and hopefully the stupid thing will catch on fire. And of course, when that happens, there'd be a scuffle to put it out, hopefully letting the fabric burn for a bit and Chopper would definitely force the idiot to roll up the pants to check for injuries. It'll be the perfect time to check the hair.

The blond cook needed the right time, though. It was no good to burn the pants when the boots were in the way. Stupid long boots.

No, he'll have to force the marimo to take off his boots somehow.

Kicking Luffy overboard again? Zoro usually took off his boots when he went to save Luffy.

Yes, that was it. Sanji just had to kick Luffy into the sea.

…but would wet pants burn? No, no. They wouldn't burn easily. It's not like they'll catch on fire when Sanji tripped past with the lighter open.

What other times did the brute take off his boots? Hmm…

Training! The stupid idiot trained with his boots off, didn't he? That and his shirt off too. Back when they were sailing in the Going Merry, the marimo would be doing one-handed push-ups and what not with his boots and shirt off, stinking up the deck with his sweat.

Of course, now, another problem surfaced. How the hell was he supposed to go to the crow's nest? What excuse was he supposed to give the marimo?

It obviously wasn't in his style to bring food to anyone other than the ladies. What was he supposed to make for the marimo? Homemade booze?

The opportunity presented to him when Zoro didn't bother coming down for the snacks the next day. He missed the delicious croquette that the other morons swallowed up.

Sanji climbed the rigging with one hand, balancing a plate of onigiri on the other, clenching his unlit cigarette between his teeth.

"Oi, marimo!" the blond growled as he kicked the door open. "Did you get lost on your way down to the deck? Why didn't you come down for the snack?"

"Huh?" Zoro glanced up, sweat dripping into his eyes. "478 – I gotta – 479 – train cook – 480 – I can – 481 – skip a snack – 482 – for a day."

The cook frowned as he watched the other continued counting his one handed upside down push-ups.

"I made some onigiri," he set down the plate on the bench, carefully nudging out a sweat-soaked towel.

Zoro grunted, the bastard. He finished the set, righting himself onto his feet.

Sanji decided that now was a good time as any to put his plan into action. He headed towards the other, flicking the lighter open and lighting up his cigarette. He tried to aim right so the fire would catch onto the pants and not the ship, before letting his weight shift.

Except he really did trip. And not just trip, but double-tripped so he ended up landing right in front of Zoro's feet (ew), hand stretched out far ahead, instead falling and the hand coming right under the hem of Zoro's pants.

He quickly shut off the lighter, in case the wood caught on fire.

The swordsmans let out a deep laugh.

"Shit cook!"

"Shut the hell up, idiot marimo. It's all…," Sanji glanced back to see two of the green-haired man's swords lying on the floor.

"It's all your stupid swords' fault. What kind of idiot leaves them lying around like this?" the cook blushed a dark red, embarrassment flooding into his face.

"Ah, it's Kitetsu and Shuusui. Troublemakers," Zoro muttered and shook his head, smiling like he was scolding children. Weirdo.

Sanji sat up, reaching out to set the swords on the bench.

"Don't touch them!"

The cook's slim hands stopped short of touching them.

"Shuusui's a trouble child. He doesn't like to be handled by an outsider. And Kitetsu's cursed. He's probably itching to cut you," Zoro warned, moving to grab the weapons himself. "Wado likes the crew enough, though."

What the fuck was with that?

* * *

Sanji decided that desperate measures called for desperate measures. If all the other plans failed, he'd just have to take a look as Zoro came out of the shower.

Sanji will have to time it right so that the other will have his towel on, of course. He was not a man-pervert, if there was such a thing.

For the past week, the cook waited patiently for Zoro to shower. The man really needed better hygiene.

_Finally_, the marimo decides to shower. He should've been just soaking in the tub like moss do.

Sanji impatiently waited for the shower to turn off and estimated the time it'd take for the idiot to put on his towel.

Should be around now…

BAM!

Sanji slammed the door open before recoiling back. He had overestimated the marimo's hygiene. He thought it'd take longer to dry off but apparently not, as the bigger stood surprised and his upper body still wet and naked, his pants hastily worn and hung low on his hips. At least _that_ part was covered, though barely.

"Ero-cook?"

Sanji stared at the chiseled body, a blush forming.

"Luffy!" Sanji yelled the first thought that came to mind. "Uh… wrong room."

He backpedaled out of the bathroom, slamming the door shut. He ran all the way to the sanctuary of his kitchen.

Damn it.

Sanji sat with his back against the door. Damn…

The cook of the Strawhats learned something new today.

First, the idiot swordsman didn't wear any underwear.

And second, the marimo definitely did _not_ dye his hair.

Any sane men – no – even the insane ones, would never let the hair dye touch hair in _that_ part of the body.

And the green tufts of hair just above the open waist of the marimo's pants were not Sanji's imagination.

* * *

_Just a little idea I had sometime ago. _

_I have a few ideas that sort of run along the same plot. This is more ZoSan (and perverted) than the other oneshots. I'll write later on. The summary doesn't really match this drabble. It's more for the overall thing. _

_I can't write Luffy. Or Chopper. I can't really write One Piece characters yet. Sanji might've turned out a little OOC. I don't think Zoro's pants are with buttons but we can pretend it is. _

_Think this is all I wanted to say._

_Tell me what you thought of this! Thanks for reading and hoped you liked it. _


	2. The Caveman and the Piano

There were many times when Sanji cursed Luffy's spontaneous decisions. It was a usual occurrence on the Straw Hat's ship; Luffy would suddenly decide that they'd _have_ to do _this_ only to drop it like a hot potato the next second. The ideas usually stuck since everyone prepared for it already and it'd be a waste for them to just drop it.

(In other words, Nami threatened to triple their debts if they wasted money.)

This whole… _fiasco_ started like this.

* * *

It was only a little after Brook joined the crew. Luffy was obsessed with that song: Bink's Sake. He'd demand that the skeleton plays it again and again on various instruments.

It was a given that after a while, Brook's old bones would get tired and the newest crew member would try to veer the captain's attention from him to other things. Since Brook wasn't really familiar with the whole crew yet, he wasn't sure if pushing Luffy off to the next person was an appropriate thing to do.

(Yes, yes you can. Don't even ask. Push him off the ship, if you want. No one will say anything.)

It was only natural that the tallest member of the crew would try to direct the straw hat bearer's energy to objects, and as he was a musician, music instruments it was.

Okay, so maybe Sanji should be blaming the musician for all of this; after all, he was the one who gave the captain the idea that everyone on board will have to play an instrument.

But then again, Sanji's come so far with blaming Luffy for every little illogical thing, so why the hell not just continue the routine? Especially since the rubber bastard's just got off with tinkling his little triangle the others have to first learn to read the notes and have to try to actually hit the right note.

It was decided after some logical thinking and debates in his mind (_no_, the cook was not turning insane, he just liked to have an occasional debate in his mind, okay?), that Luffy was the source of this problem.

The problem being: Why the hell did Zoro, the dumbbell-brained swordsman, Mr. I'll-drink-three-gallons-of-sake-but-I'll-refuse-to-get-drunk-so-I'll-order-more-and-waste-everyone's-money, the Supreme Ball of Marimo with his marimo-ness and his little marimo followers, have to pick the piano?

First, Sanji was pissed off that _he_ didn't think of playing the piano first. After all, a gentleman would surely know how to play the piano and just think of how the ladies would swoon when his hands move across the keys as smoothly as… one of their adventures. Wait, no, wrong analogy. Let's see... like... water rushing over flat rocks?

The cook just _had_ to pick the flute because he thought that his lovely Nami-swan would pick that and they could have their lessons together. Alas, fate was cruel and his voluptuous Nami-swan chose to learn the cello and Robin-chwan had gone to the celestial temptations of the harp.

Sanji was stuck with trying to adjust his breathing patterns and learning the positions of the fingers for so and so note. Every time he tried to play the thing, it sounded like a dying hyena letting out his last cry for help. It was a while before he could get the right sound out.

With the piano, he could just hit the keys and even if he hit the wrong note, at least it wouldn't sound like some poor soul being tortured.

Second, why the hell would _Zoro_ of all people choose to play the piano?

Sanji could understand if Robin wanted to play it. She would look magnificent sitting in her mystifying glory and playing the instrument. She loved old instruments and would definitely be interested about the history of music and the famous ancient brands of pianos.

He could understand if Usopp wanted to play the piano. He was into all that creative stuff and maybe he wants to write a composition. Maybe back in Syrup Village, the mansion that the wonderful lady, Kaya, lived in had a piano and it brings him back memories. _Anyone_ except Zoro (and okay, maybe except for Luffy but then again, no one could understand him)

Why the hell would _Zoro_ choose to play the piano?

That was the stupid troubling thought that had been plaguing the cook for what? About a week?

Ever since they started this stupid learning music instruments thing that had been surprisingly going strong, given Luffy's attention span. Of course, that being said, Luffy just had to occasionally tinkle his little metal triangle at the right time (or even at the wrong time and it would've sounded okay).

He wasn't doing much and it's not like there were pieces of music written specially for a triangle. There were tons for the flute but none for the stupid piece of three sided metal.

Every time the blond passed the doors that lead to the aquarium, in which stood a newly made piano, courtesy of Franky on the request of Brook, he had to squash the urge to open it wide and yell at the blockhead as to why he was sitting and hitting the keys like it was a perfectly normal thing to do.

Because it's not. Not for a half-baked Neanderthal like him.

Sanji decided that it was time for him to rise against this atrocious abnormal-ness that everyone was just accepting without complaint because a little monkey shouted "Choose any instrument and play it! Captain's order!" and the stupid lazy ass with grass for hair decides to baffle everyone and went for the piano.

* * *

The cook decided to start with Franky. The man played the guitar (and no matter how horrible it was, he insisted that he was playing the instrument correctly and Luffy was an idiot who doesn't restrain his crew members… even when the others' ears bled) and Sanji hoped that by finding out others' reasons, he could come to understand Zoro's…. without actually asking the swordsman, of course. No, that just wouldn't do.

"Franky, do you have some time?"

"SANJI-BRO! YO, 'SUP?" Sanji winced at the loud volume of both the cyborg and the machine that he was currently holding.

"COULD YOU TURN OFF THE THING?" the cook shouted over the noise.

"WHAT? CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"I SAID, TURN OFF THE SHITTY THING!"

"Jeez, you didn't have to call my precious baby 'shitty thing'. Made of stainless steel with exactly 104 sharp points that will guarantee to cut anything from wood to steel. This is a masterpiece made by myself," the large man paused. "Painted by Usopp of course."

"Uh… awesome. Just keep that thing away from my hair. I was just going to ask you, why did you start playing the guitar?"

"Oho! Sanji-bro wants to play the guitar now? I warn you, dude, it takes years of practice to master and those strings really hurt your hands. Well, unless you have stainless steel hands like me then you don't feel a thing," Franky rambled on.

"Right. I was just asking. Hey, do you mind if I smoke here?" Sanji waved a pack of cigarettes.

"Sure, go ahead. I don't mind. I drink my Cola unregulated anyway. It's a free for all zone, bro!" the man patted down the seat next to him, motioning for him to sit down.

Sanji eyed the area covered in debris, splinters, a bunch of little round things and what seems to a great big area of an oil spill.

"Thanks… so why you started learning to play the guitar?"

"Ah, yes, that was a story of romance. You see, I had this lovely lady, pretty as a flower, as curvy as an hourglass and man! You should've seen her chest, it was like this –" Franky glanced to the blond who was red in the face, half with anger at the way the cyborg was talking about the woman and half with lust at the image that he created.

"Uh, about the guitar, right," the blue-haired man cleared his throat.

He was scared that Sanji might start kicking him or collapse right there in a puddle. The first option was not desirable since he was just about finished with his project and one kick form the blond would definitely leave it in shambles. The second wasn't wanted either as the blond would fall onto the pile of nails just down below and if he started noodle-dancing in here, Franky wouldn't know what to do except knock him out with a wrench.

Seriously, how does his legs move that fast? Freaky, bro!

"Yes, the guitar," Sanji nodded, matter of fact, returning back to his normal facial color.

"I don't know. I mean, isn't what COOL guys do? Whip out a guitar, start singing with shades on? And I was – no, _am_ – COOL!" Franky struck a pose. "Besides, pink's a manly color,"

Franky gave a thumbs up and lifted his shades to wink at Sanji.

The blond couldn't figure out if the other really meant it or was mocking him for his pink parasol-colored apron. (It was a gift from a lady, damn it! He most certainly did not pick it up at a flea market because it was 30% discount off.)

"So, uh, you just thought it was cool?"

Franky nodded affirmatively.

"Oh, ok." Sanji backed out of the room before the blue-haired man could offered him to drink a 1.5 liter of cola and started yelling 'Chug! Chug! Chug!' It'll be a disaster if Luffy came in.

Franky's reason was surprisingly simple. And kind of stupid.

The marimo wouldn't have a stupid reason like that, would he? He never really bothered about his 'coolness' anyway. It was always about lifting dumb bells, being a blockhead and booze. Sanji wasn't sure how playing the piano would help any of these.

* * *

Next, he went and asked Usopp. Hopefully, he'd have a better reason than Franky.

"Usopp."

"Sanji! Did you bring me some of that special cocktail?" Usopp asked, looking up from his sketch.

The question earned a kick to his head as the special cocktails and special deliver were reserved for the ladies and the men can just get their share from the fridge because to the hell with them.

"No. I came here to ask you about your harmonica."

"Harmonica? Why? Did you decide that the flute was too manly for you?" the long-nosed asked cheekily. "Wait! But then that would mean that my harmonica was more girly than the flute! That line wouldn't work out then," he muttered to himself, ticking something off a piece of scrap paper nearby. Apparently that contained a list of lines that he could say… or wait, were those just math equations?

How does he even find anything in here?

"NO!" Sanji's dress shoe narrowly missed the other's equipment on the other side of the room.

"Eep," Usopp uttered. "I was just kidding! I didn't say anything, I swear!"

"Yeah, yeah. I wanted to ask you, why did you start playing the harmonica?"

"Ah! You see, this isn't just any harmonica, but it is _the_ Harmonica of … Greatness which has special powers to tame any wild animal and make them follow you anywhere you go. Once note of this and those beasts are goners. Now, this comes back to the time…" Usopp started.

Sanji, however was in no mood for his stories. "Usopp," he warned.

The other paid him no mind, continuing with his story.

"Usopp, if you don't stop right now, I'll tell Luffy that he can have your share of the cocktail," Sanji's one eye gleamed. It would've been much more impressive if his eyebrow wasn't curlier than usual today.

"Ack! Fine, fine, I'll you the story later! Now let's see… why I wanted to learn the harmonica... Ah! I got it! It was easier to carry around and you know, my bag's full of all my inventions. I can't just say no to the captain" - (despite the fact that the sharpshooter has in fact said no to the captain numerous times already. Except to his puppy-dog eyes. No one can say no that. Except Robin because she's awesome and has a great immune system against Luffy's puppy-dog eyes) -"and isn't the harmonica easier to play? I like the sound it makes too. It's more… unique and you don't need two hands so I can play it and also draw at the same time, you know," Usopp explained.

Who would want to draw and play the harmonica at the same time? Besides that reason wouldn't apply to Zoro since the only time he can multitask is when he's managing Luffy and working out (when was he not?). An impressive feat, really but the man was otherwise negligent and didn't do anything else other than train and eat.

All in all, a useless waste of space in Sanji's opinion.

"Ah, thanks."

"Why do you want to know?"

"Um, simple curiosity. Bonding with crew members and all?" Sanji tried.

Usopp was immediately suspicious since the whole universe knows that Sanji would only try bonding with ladies (and get hit in the face with a high heel, but that was another story).

"Will this get me in trouble? Do I really want to know?"

"No," Sanji immediately answered. He turned to leave.

"By the way, I think Chopper and Luffy would like your story. You can go tell them now, while I go prepare lunch. Last time I checked, they were bored to death on the deck and were pestering the marimo," the cook told the sharpshooter.

The other immediately brightened. "Ah, great idea! I'll just keep this sketch..."

The blond closed the door. Not a second later, there was a yell.

"Sanji! You left your shoe here!" the door opened and a black object flew out, hitting the lean figure in the head. "Ack! It left a scorch mark on the wall."

The door slammed shut quickly, the sharpshooter fearing that the other might come after him.

* * *

After lunch, he stepped out onto the deck. He sighed through his cigarette, letting out a puff of smoke. He spied Luffy, Chopper and Usopp huddled together in a circle, obviously discussing something, though mischievous or not was the question. Probably yes.

"Chopper! Mind coming here for a minute?" Sanji called out. He didn't want to intrude on their meeting and more importantly, if he was seen with them, he might be made an accomplice.

Zoro snorted from his spot at the mast. "Planning on asking Chopper to make the perfect shade of pink?"

It was no secret that Chopper loved pink and he knew the formula to make different shades of pink, just like his mentor, Hiruluk. (That does not make me happy at all, bastard!)

"What the fuck did you say, fucking marimo?" the cook yelled across the deck, temporarily forgetting his mission.

"I said, planning on asking Chopper to make the perfect shade of pink?" Zoro said slowly, enunciating every word.

"Shitty marimo!" With the war cry, he launched himself towards the figure that was now drawing his white katana, Wado Ichimonji.

The fight ended with Sanji and Zoro sporting bruises on their heads, Usopp being thoroughly wet since he got knocked overboard and Chopper, Luffy and Brook all passed out on the deck as Luffy went overboard _somehow _(he wasn't anywhere near the fight…) and the other two foolishly tried to save him.

It was also quite memorable for Franky since it might possibly the first time that he saved Luffy from drowning. The cyborg counted that as a victory over the other two of the Monster Trio and Usopp since they always beat him jumping overboard to save Luffy.

Nami, however, was furious so all of them were assigned to various duties such as toilet cleaning, laundry, washing the deck, cleaning out the one pile of trash-clothes-various-trinkets-and-oh-God-was-that-a-cockroach in the corner of the men's quarters. (And yes, that was the name officially dubbed to the pile.)

Robin hid her smile behind her book and didn't do anything to help appease her friend's anger.

* * *

"Sanji?" Chopper asked, carefully drying the plates.

"Yeah?" Sanji's experienced hands washed the plates quickly and efficiently.

"This afternoon, did you want to ask me about something?"

Sanji straightened at the reminder.

"Yeah. I was going to ask why you chose to play the trumpet."

"Eh? That's it?"

"Yeah, you don't mind telling me about the reason, do you?" the cook asked.

"No… I just thought it'd be fun… do you have something against trumpets?" Chopper timidly asked, looking at the blond from under the rim of his hat.

"No…"

"The trumpet seems like a grand instrument. Hiruluk always told me that when royalty comes, there'd be trumpets blowing and they'll have a great procession. Is that true?" There were stars in his eyes.

"Hmm, yeah." Sanji wouldn't know much about royalty, though. It wasn't like they were very welcome in Alabasta and they had to escape quite hurriedly.

"Do you think I'll be able to play the trumpet for the royalty one day?"

Sanji smiled. "Yeah, one day when Luffy becomes Pirate King and then you can play the trumpet as we walk down the street."

Chopper beamed. "That doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, idiot!"

* * *

He went to Robin next. She knew about everything and he was sure that if he asked, she'd know why fucking Zoro chose the effing piano… but he can't just go around asking people this kind of stuff.

No, he had to decipher it clue by clue because he had his pride and dignity to think of. (Really, though, they were flushed down the drain when Sanji first laid his eyes on that pink apron.) What would the other think if he went around asking random questions like this?

What would Robin-chwan and Nami-swan think?

(And okay, Sanji needed some entertainment, thus this self-appointed mission. Where were the marines for fuck's sake?)

"Robin-chwan! Still reading, I see," Sanji closed the door to the aquarium with his foot.

"Mm. I've almost finished deciphering this paragraph." Sanji waited patiently for Robin to stop reading what looked like squiggles and blocks to him.

After a few moments, Robin looked up and smiled, closing the book. "So what is it today, cook-san?"

"Ah, it's just plain de-caffeinated coffee today. Sorry."

"No need. It's nice to have something simple once in a while," Robin took the cup from him.

"So, uh, Robin-chwan, I was wondering…," Sanji trailed off, trying to phrase the question without looking like a weirdo.

"Yes?"

"Why did you choose the harp?" the cook blurted out. Better go with something safe first right?

"Interesting question, cook-san," Robin smiled right at him, like she could see through him. Sanji melted from happiness.

"Yes, well, I just thought, you know… get to know the crew more and… thinking about their instrumental choices," the cook nodded to himself, pleased that it came out remotely coherent.

Keyword: _remotely_.

"It's quite simple. I chose the harp because it's a classical instrument. It's quite a shame that many people are choosing to play more modern instruments and the art of classical instruments are declining," Robin stared sadly at the rolling waters of the tank, not really seeing it.

She looked up and smiled at the blond.

"I just thought that it'd be nice to learn a classical instrument, that's all. The harp _is_ used in a lot of the olden civilizations, you know. I think it's a wonderful idea for the whole crew to start playing musical instruments. And quite a lot of them are quite classical," the dark-haired woman eyed the cook as if expecting something to happen.

"Of course, Robin-chwan! I agree with you completely! It's a fantastic idea!" Sanji swooned. He couldn't deny the historian's beauty and words after all, even if he hated Luffy's idea.

Robin blinked before starting to open her book again. "I see."

"I'll have to take my leave now, Robin-chwan. I have to start preparing things for tomorrow and make sure to lock up the fridge."

Sanji turned to leave. He'd love to spend a little more time in here but duty called.

"Interesting that swordsman-san would choose the piano, ne? It's quite unlike him, I would say. I've always thought he was more of a… maybe a drums player," the last of the Oharas spoke up, just as Sanji was about to open the door.

She knew without looking up from her book that Sanji froze at the door, his hand stopping right before it reached the door handle.

"Ah, you're right, Robin-chwan. I've never really thought about it. I mean, he's a stinky marimo who goes around lifting humongous weights…," Sanji paused, wondering what to say without blowing his cover. "Yeah, I guess he's more suited for drums. We all know how much he likes hitting things with those stupid hilts of his katanas."

Robin nodded, sipping from her cup. "Of course."

Sanji decided to leave right then, before the tall beauty could make any other comment.

* * *

The cook pondered about Robin's reasoning. It was true that Zoro was more suited for… playing other things other than the piano. Maybe not something like the flute or anything similar. Or the violin.

Hell no. Not the violin. If the stupid idiot took the violin, that'd mean that he would be taking lessons with lovely Nami-swan. The violin and the cello were close instruments and Sanji just knew that Brook would try to teach them together. At least for the basics.

Besides, a violin just wasn't suited for a Neanderthal like him. Imagine brute, coarse, drowning-in-sake Zoro, holding a dainty violin and playing it while doing that 'moving-around-the-room' creepy dance that all violinists do.

(Note! That was named by Luffy himself, so... yeah. Sanji wasn't trying to insult Brook or anything. Because a creepy violin dance is okay for an 8 foot tall skeleton to do.)

That was just… creepy. He was already a devil with 'Kyutoryu' and the image of a devil behind his already ugly mug. Let's not forget that the move also required two illusions of him; it was enough to give the marines (and a certain giraffe) horrifying nightmares.

_That _face and the creepy violinist dance? Are you sure that he's not some sort of serial killer who decided to traumatize his victims to the maximum?

The point was, Zoro was _not _suited to play the piano. Whoever heard of over manly-man with muscles the size of a full-sized uncooked ham (obviously compensating for _something_) playing _piano_?

No, the piano should be played by gentlemen like Sanji so that stupid marimos can suffer the embarrassment of playing a note that sounded like a tone-deaf singer trying to sing Celine Dion's 'My Heart Will Go On' and miraculously managing to hitting all the wrong notes.

Why didn't he pick something stupid like the triangle? It was fitting for a Neanderthal and would save Sanji a lot of (self-created) stress.

* * *

"So, Brook," Sanji started. He was familiar enough with Brook – after all, they (and Franky) were part of the same Pervert-Panties-Loving Society (it's called 'Affection-for-Ladies-in-a-Gentlemanly-Way, damn it! We're not perverts).

"Ah! Sanji-san! Have you brought me some tea to soothe my throat?" Brook pause from playing the flute. "Ah! But I don't have a throat to be soothe! Yohohohoho! Skull-joke!"

"Yeah," Sanji replied, placing the prepared tea on a nearby table. "I just wanted to ask you something."

"Yes, yes. You can ask me anything - from why the sky is blue to the color of Robin-san's panties!"

"Ye- wait, you know the color of Robin-chwan's panties?" the cook looked at the other bugged eyed, blood already dripping out of his nose.

"Ah, actually, no. I do, however, know the color of _one_ of her panties. It was midnight blue lace." Brook nodded to himself.

Sanji imagined Robin in lacy midnight blue lingerie and immediately started sprouting blood like a fountain.

"That was before my entire ribcage of dislodged from my body and I'm pretty sure my spine, femur and skull all got new cracks," Brook continued. The skeleton tilted his head. "It was enough damage to get my heart racing in fear when I see Robin-san. AH! But I don't have a heart anymore. Yohohoho! Skull-joke!"

Sanji ignored all of it to lie in his own pool of blood. Brook ignored the rapidly paling blond in favor of prancing around the room with his cane to celebrate the brilliance of his skull-jokes.

The 8 feet tall skeleton stopped when one of his dress shoe stepped into the spreading puddle of blood.

"Ah, Sanji-san, I don't think losing that much blood is good for you."

Chopper burst into the room, rapidly scanning the area.

"Do you have a good place to hi – EEK! SANJI! You're going to die! Oh my God! Call the doctor!" the little reindeer screeched. "Wait, that's me! I gotta do something!" he gasped in realization.

* * *

Sanji woke up to the sound of Luffy and Chopper squabbling.

"Luffy! It doesn't count! I was helping Sanji!" the doctor insisted.

"Yes, it does!" Luffy pouted. "I found you fair and square. Sanji loses blood all the time so that's no excuse."

"No it doesn't! I'm still in the game! You're still the seeker!"

"Wwwhhyyy? I don't wanna be the seeker. It's boring and you're alone," the captain whined

"You can't always be the hider. You'll eventually get picked to be the seeker. If you don't want to be the seeker, why did you pick to play hide-and-seek?" Usopp asked.

"Oh!" Luffy brightened up immediately. "That's because I wanted to hide in my favorite hiding spot under the storage stairs! I hide there all the time from Sanji and Zoro! Shishishishi!"

_'__Idiot. Now everyone knows where you hide…_,' Usopp, Chopper and Sanji immediately thought, face-palming in unison.

"Alright, alright. Then why don't we play another game? Maybe water guns? The weather's nice," the sharpshooter suggested.

"Yay!" Luffy jumped up from his seat on the floor. "Ah! But we don't have enough for 2 teams! We need four people."

Usopp paused in the doorway. "Hmm. What about Zoro?"

"Shishishishi! Zoro'll yell at us again if we spray him with water. He might even chase us with his katanas!" the straw-hat bearer laughed, like it wasn't one of the most traumatic experiences on the ship.

"Eep! I don't want Zoro chasing us around! He's scary!" Chopper yelped from beside Sanji.

"How to get Zoro to join…" Usopp muttered to himself. After a moment, he grinned as he got an idea. He leaned down to whisper conspiringly. "You know, Chopper, if Zoro doesn't get water on him for a long time he might get dried up."

"Huh? But isn't that dehydration? Zoro drink plenty of water," the little reindeer tilted his head in confusion.

"Yes, yes. That's for his body. I was talking about his hair. It'll dry up and turn yellow like the patch of grass right by the swing on the deck," the long-nosed nodded wisely at his thinking.

Sanji tried not to guffaw. The idiot's hair drying up. That was hilarious. It really was grass after all.

"EH?! It will?! Zoro will have yellow hair like Sanji?" Chopper asked, wide-eyed.

Sanji shivered form his position of lying down.

"And who knows, if you leave it long enough, it might even turn red like autumn leaves… or sunburned ... or Nami's," Usopp added.

"Eep! I don't want Zoro's hair to turn red like Nami's. She's scary! Zoro will turn scary like her too!" Chopper already jumped down from the patient's bed and was running out the door.

"Wait! I can't just go. The doctor has to take care of the patient!" Chopper cried. It was obviously that he was in a very serious dilemma of doing his duty as a doctor and his duty as Zoro's personal hair-keeper. Chopper couldn't just leave the cook here. Who know when his nose will start bleeding again?

But then again, he couldn't just let Zoro sleep in the sun for too long and get his hair turned red! Chopper was very used to clinging to green hair in fear, not red.

Red was scary. Red was a Climatact coming down on your head _hard,_ no matter who it was – big or small, pervert or idiot, it didn't matter to the wielder. (Except of course, when it was her precious onee-san, who could steal jewels at a moment's notice)

Red was _Nami_. Enough said.

Sanji smiled at the ridiculousness. "It's alright. You can go. I'll be fine."

"You have to promise me to not look at any pictures of women. Or imagine them. Your condition could get worse!"

"Yeah, yeah," the cook waved him off as he sat up. "You can just go and have your fun. You did enough, doctor."

"Calling me doctor doesn't make me at all!" the reindeer cried before dashing out in embarrassment. A moment later, "ZOOOROOO! I have to save your hair! It'll dry up!"

Luffy and Usopp grinned and looked at each other before dashing out the door.

"OI! Not fair! You got a head start!"

"Wait! Usopp-sama has to lead this mission! Did you know about the time The Great and Powerful Usopp-sama single-handedly…," his voice faded away as they went farther.

* * *

Sanji looked towards Brook who had been quiet during the whole conversation.

"So…," Brook started. "Ah! I'm sorry about making you have a … nosebleed. I must say though, it was quite the sight for my old eyes… But I don't have any eyes! Yohohoho!"

Sanji moved around, careful about the blood transfusion pipe. "Yeah, don't mind it. It happens."

"So, Sanji-san. What did you want to talk about before we got onto the topic of Robin-san's pan – oops, Chopper-san has forbid me from mentioning that word near you," Brook clamped a bony hand over his mouth (teeth?).

"Oh, yeah. I wanted to ask about music. Uh… do you know why the marimo decided to play the piano?" the blond blurted. Brook stared at him with his eye sockets.

Shit! That wasn't supposed to come out. He was supposed to ask something about the different instruments that the skeleton played. He wasn't supposed to even _mention_ Zoro.

What would the newest member of the crew think? Sanji had a reputation for asking things about _girls_. Not sweaty, smelly muscle-heads with the tendency to go crazy in battle.

What if Brook started thinking that Sanji had… _something_ for Zoro? Something close to what he had for the girls?

I mean, sure. He was asking random things around the crew _because_ of Zoro but… that didn't mean that he had something _for_ Zoro. He had to fix this!

"Ah. Zoro-san?"

Too late. Brook had already started to talk.

"I don't really know… but it doesn't really matter, does it? If he wants to play the piano, that is. Why don't you ask him yourself, Sanji-san?"

"I can't just go around asking people that!" Though he just did, didn't he?

"If Sanji-san really wants to know and is too sh – uh, doesn't want to ask Zoro-san himself, I could ask him for you?" Brook offered.

"You can't just go asking him that! You know what he is? He's a marimo! You can't go asking a marimo that! And you can't mention my name either! He'll end up laughing his ass off! You have to figure it out by yourself!" Sanji insisted.

Brook tilted his head, his afro towering along. Maybe Sanji-san lost too much blood? Brook couldn't understand what the other was saying.

Does he ask Zoro-san about it? Does he not ask him about it? How does Zoro-san being a 'marimo' tie into all of this? What did he have to figure out?

"Sanji-san," the skeleton started. Sanji was already almost out the door, holding his blood transfusion stand in one hand. "Ah! You can't leave!"

"I have to start on dinner. This thing will be a hindrance so I need a head start. See you at dinner," Sanji waved before leaving.

"But… what did you mean by 'figuring it out'?" Brook asked into thin air.

After some thinking, he decided that it was just best to ask Zoro and 'figure it out', whatever that meant.

* * *

Dinner was served without much difficulty. Despite Chopper's initial protests about walking around while having a blood transfusion. Sanji managed to make a full course dinner (feast, really) complete with lobsters, spicy shrimp soup, mushrooms in cream, calms that were freshly served with barbeque sauce, salmon fillets with cream cheese etc.

These were all inhaled in a matter of seconds by their one and only belly-stretching captain.

It was usual chaos with Zoro and Sanji shouting at each other over everything and nothing. Usopp was valiantly fighting Chopper's fork with a lobster's pincers. Franky was yelling 'SUPER!' after he tasted the soup (though he did think that adding cola would be '_SUPER_ SUPER!'). Robin was currently reading a book and numerous hands sprouting from table defended herself from projectiles like a knight guarding a princess. Nami was relentlessly and mercilessly hitting anyone who was being loud and within reach. Luffy was most often hit by Nami, though it didn't deterred him on his mission to be a miraculous ever expanding (and rapidly slimming down) balloon filled with food to defy the laws of gravity and stay on the ground where there was _food_ (or something like that). And Brook kept cracking skull jokes at the most random and inappropriate times.

All in all, a typical Straw-hat dinner.

This… lovely dinner scene (rambunctious, uncivilized bunch of hooligans who didn't know the meaning of 'manners') was interrupted by Brook's sudden question to Zoro.

"Zoro-san, why did you decide to play the piano?"

All activities stopped. Sanji stared at the skeleton in horror, plate in his hands forgotten. Robin closed her book and smiled at no one in particular. Nami gave a final hit to Luffy's already swollen hand. Franky stopped yelling 'SUPER' and the air suddenly became too quiet. Chopper successfully managed to pin the pincer down and Usopp surrendered.

Luffy was the only one who didn't stop in his quest to inhale everything in his sight.

Zoro grunted. "Why do you ask?"

"Ah, uh…," Brook glanced nervously at Sanji, trying to think of an excuse without exposing the man. Sanji gave him a murderous stare before quickly glancing away.

Robin smiled even brighter (or darker and creepier, depending on the perspective), watching the whole exchange with observing eyes.

"I was just curious. You don't seem like the sort of man to go for something classical like the piano…," the musician bluffed.

Zoro seemed to accept the reason. "Uh... how do I explain it...?"

Sanji frequently glanced at the green-haired man, trying to seem like he was focused on serving the girls and was so totally not interested in the answer. However, he almost spilled the juice onto the table. Luckily, the tanned hand that was accepting it moved so that the beverage would go into the cup instead.

"It's easier?"

Everyone's jaws dropped (Brook's literally. He had to pick it up from the ground). Whoever heard of _Zoro_ doing something the easy way?

Nope. Every time they went on a shopping trip, he had to successfully get himself lost unless he was handcuffed to the next person. Not only did he get lost, he would usually start attacking the wild animals to pass time and because really, what better way to spend time than having rabid animals rush at you for training, right?

"That's not really what I mean, actually," Zoro continued, completely lost in his own world, trying to find the right words. He completely missed the collective sigh of relief from the others.

"It's more… convenient, I guess. We already have a piano after Franky made it for you… I don't have to go out and buy an instrument like a certain ero-cook did...," he barely dodged the kick aimed to take off his head.

"Since I didn't buy it, my debt to the witch didn't go up." The Climatact caught him square in the back.

"You bi - !"

"Don't badmouth Nami-swan!"

"Shut the fuck up, stupid love cook!"

"You wanna go, idiot moss ball?"

"Ah, ah. Sanji-san, Zoro-san, please. It was merely a question." Brook shivered from the murderous intent coming from the cook. The fact that he had a lethal looking ladle used to serve the soup in his hands wasn't helping.

If that hit Brook in the face, the spice from the soup might sting his eyes. Ah! But he doesn't have any eyes. Yohohoho! Skull-joke!

"Right," Zoro pushed Sanji out of his face. "To answer your question, it's more convenient. Don't you just hit the right keys at the right time with the right volume? The thing's perfectly tuned so even if I hit a wrong note, it doesn't really sound that bad."

The swordsman shrugged. Then he grinned deviously, staring at Nami and Sanji. "Unlike _some_ people who sound like they're torturing innocent animals with their instruments."

"You shouldn't be talking! Look at your face in battle first! You look like you're having the time of your life with that stupid devil smile! If you could even call that a smile, that is," Nami yelled, towering over Zoro who was crouching with his head in his hands. A red bump contrasted against the green of his hair.

Sanji was simply speechless at the… simple-ness of the idiot hare-brained, ridiculously large dumbbells lifting muscle man's thinking. And surprisingly reasonable.

Then all hell broke loose as the black hole called Luffy decided that it was a good idea to grab the cookies cooling off the counter. (In other words, dinner went back to normal.)

* * *

Late night, a little after everyone went to bed, Brook was still playing the violin in the aquarium. A lively tune came from the instrument as the hands moved up and down at a fast, almost jerking pace.

"You're still here, Brook?" Sanji's smooth voice interrupted him.

"Sanji-san! Why haven't you gone to bed?"

"I needed to make sure that I cleared all the cups here," the cook scanned around the room. "Looks like I did clear everything."

"Ah! I hope you weren't mad that I asked Zoro-san about his instrument. On the bright side, I figured it out!" Brook grinned (stayed the same? Since he was already showing his teeth…). He glanced down in confusion to where Sanji was depressingly on all fours in defeat.

"Sanji-san?"

"I can't believe that I got defeated by such… such simple-ness! And for a week! I should've guessed. The marimo probably can't do more math than 1 + 1. Heheheheh. That's right. Zoro's a moss ball. Muscle head. Idiot. Swords freak…" Sanji continued to mutter incoherently as his defeat took over his mind.

Brook squinted (except he can't! Yohohoho!). He was pretty sure those were depressed lines on top of the crouching figure.

What should he do? He can't just leave the cook in a blubbering mess here. He was also scared that one little touch might set the cook off. Who knows what other talents he had? He could already make a blood fountain. What if he did something else like… sprouting blood while doing the noodle dance all the while managing to melt into a puddle so in the end he just becomes this giant whirling puddle of blood with blond hair?

He didn't want to wake up Chopper, either. The little doctor had a rough day from Zoro chasing him and the other two (Usopp and Luffy) all around the ship.

Brook decided to do what he did best. He resumed playing the violin, the lively tune contrasting with the dreary commentary on whether or not Zoro can actually tell the front and back of his pants apart and oh God, Eureka moment! Maybe that's why his pants look the same from the front and back with no pockets and zipper.

(Okay, maybe not that dreary and was just nonsensical ramblings on everything that Zoro has or did and totally legit reasons why Zoro is a marimo idiot.)

* * *

_A new chapter! I'm abusing the Ctrl + I keys a lot. And the line breaks. But what can I say? I just like linebreaks and the italics makes everything pretty. And I like emphasizing everything. _

_Brook gets involved! And forgive me, I know my skull jokes are terrible. So is my Robin... I don't know what else she does except smile a lot (and not the happy, sunshine kind) and place one or two comments here and there just to make others paranoid.  
_

_Sanji sort of goes crazy in the end but I was going for a plot change. This kind of seemed to be going in the same direction as the first one so yeah. This is more ZoSan nakamaship? I don't even know anymore... more like Sanji stalking Zoro and freaking out over the most random things... or just Sanji interacting with the rest of the crew... I feel kind of bad... Luffy's not featured at all, except for being called a shitty captain. _

_I pretty much insulted every piano player - actually, all musicians - with Zoro's simple explanation 'Don't you just hit the right keys at the right time with the right volume? The thing's perfectly tuned so even if I hit a wrong note, it doesn't really sound that bad.' I do know that it's more than that and for piano, there's slurs, accents, arpeggios, pedal work etc. I don't even know how the guitarists play... my fingers hurt when I tried... just know that musicians are AMAZING! So are writers. And readers. And poets. And... the rest of you out there..._

_This probably have grammar mistakes... didn't really check since I got lazy. Who wants to help me edit this? I need a Beta... Don't worry, you won't be busy until after a long time since I'll be working on my other stories before coming back... kind of like a cycle. I do this story's chapter then the other one then this one etc... Just know you won't be busy! _

_Think this is all I wanted to say. _

_Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed it! _


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